| quotes and things |
[Jun. 1st, 2012|11:50 pm] |
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She said, 'who the hell do you think you are?' I said, 'Baby, I'm a star.' |
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| 08 |
[Apr. 2nd, 2012|10:46 pm] |
So my younger brother, with all of his fifteen year old wisdom, was lecturing me on how to treat girls, how to seduce someone, proper etiquette, etc etc. Most of it was rather stupid BUT he was right on one count: pick up lines are often bad. So for your viewing amusement, I have compiled a list of 15 of the worst or funniest ones I've ever heard that would never work. Do not try these at home, kiddies. Really. Don't do it. They're just that fucking bad.
Don't say I didn't warn you
-Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see
-Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
-I'm bigger and better than the Titanic... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic
-Do you like magic? I want to cast a spell on you with my magic meat wand.
-You must be an adverb, because you sure do modify me
-Are those space pants? Cause your arse is out of this world!
-Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
-If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
-Was your father a farmer? Because you sure have grown some nice melons!
-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
-I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
-I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
-My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
-Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
-I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
Additions? |
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| 07 |
[Mar. 3rd, 2012|10:25 pm] |
Yeah. Our child is missing. I don't have a picture and that was the best I can do. I guess there's a reward or some shit if you find him.
Also? I think we win the worst parents award. I know some of you put in a good effort, but you still have your child and our baby could be kidnapped or like, fucking dead and buried in the forest so we win. Zest was horrified though. It was hilarious. |
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| 06 |
[Feb. 29th, 2012|06:56 pm] |
Private to Ruby
You mad at me? |
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| 05 |
[Feb. 12th, 2012|01:15 am] |
Private to Handsome Men's Club
Are we lowly members allowed to suggest club activities? Not like I'd hold my tongue anyway but. We need a fight club. It would be fucking awesome. And way less gay than sitting around talking about how handsome we are and more fun than talking about girls. And, really, what is more manly than beating the shit out of each other.
And maybe you can add a 'no destroying your opponent's face' rule. |
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| 04 |
[Jan. 30th, 2012|10:51 pm] |
This has been the best day ever. I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who accidentally revealed information about their sex or love lives or lack thereof or generally freaked the fuck out. It has been, as they say, a wonder to behold. True story: I think I cried from laughing so hard.
Now if you excuse me, I am going to make some popcorn.
And, before someone tells me I would be embarrassed if my secrets were aired in public, I would just like to say ha. Like I have anything I am ashamed of. |
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| 03 |
[Jan. 16th, 2012|06:12 pm] |
Everyone is bleeding or hurt, Jesus. You'd think there's some serial killer on the lose that we're all barely managing to escape from. Which would kind of be awesome practice for all the would-be aurors and hitwizards if, you know, no one actually got killed. Though, sadly, what got me admitted to the injured club wasn't quite that exciting or dramatic. Just stupid shit rather than dodging and defeating some crazed, evil wizard.
In other news, to the surprise of no one, I am officially recognized as handsome. I think the bleeding makes me more handsome, really. No girl can resist a battle wound.
Private to Roald
Brilliant idea: Fight Club.
Yes or yes.
Private to Elva
So if I were to invite you to a party where we got drunk and smashed shit (particularly pinatas) would you judge the fuck out of us or would you judge the fuck out of us while smashing shit and drinking?
Private to Garrett
So did everyone survive being tied together? Which is really just a more polite way of making sure you didn't kill anyone. |
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| 02 |
[Dec. 16th, 2011|12:20 am] |
I know it the end of the semester, but I will not talk about you know what. All of this talk about grades is stressing me out (yes, folks, I sometimes stress about grades, let's move on) but since it's my birthday on Friday and I have no intention of spending my birthday fucking stressed, I am ignoring all of this school talk. Okay? Okay.
I will talk about career day though. Though it was kind of useless for me since I already know what I want to be. A hitwizard. Professional Badass. Yeah. But it horribly distressing it was that people like my parents were not represented. Backbone of America, supplier of all our food, pretty awesome shit, if you ask me. And for those who don't know: my dad's basically a cowboy. Yeah. But the Man generally does hate on all of us common folk, so I am not surprised you don't have events urging you to become a farmer. That and it's not magical, but y'all have to get your food from somewhere. Do they have magical farms? That'd be pretty fucking awesome, actually, if instead of everything being mechanized it was run by magic.
Though I think it would freak out my dad. He's not really into the whole magic thing. Religious and all that.
Speaking of home. Ruby Grey, I hope you're planning on bringing a little Texas to this gala. I can't do it alone.
Private to Dani
I heard you need to speak like a real Southerner.
Private to Garrett
Why the fuck do you have an actual date to this gala? Lame.
More importantly, are we set with alcohol for this weekend. |
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| 01 |
[Nov. 30th, 2011|11:44 pm] |
Private to Tori
Want to go with me to Essie's party? We can make fun of everyone and pick up girls together and generally be awesome. And if you play your cards right, I may even introduce you to my stunningly attractive Salem friend, Ruby Wilder. Believe you me, they don't call her Wilder for nothing.
So yes?
Private to Garrett
Epic birthday bash is happening on my birthday. I have decided this since I am older and wiser than you. We should start figuring shit out though. This being our last year and all, it needs to be extra epic.
Warded against prefects who'd get him in trouble
Ladies and gents, bros of all ages, you are in for a treat. In just over two weeks from now, Garrett and I are turning 18, which means that we are hosting the most epic party to ever be epic. Some of you foreign folk may be skeptical, but believe you me, if there's one thing I know how to do it's party. This will absolutely not be not your mama's classy affair- let Essie take care of all that- and there will be plenty of booze. Now, some of you may be thinking 'but Brennan, while we do not doubt your awesomeness, that is the week of exams! Woe!' To which I say: fuck that. Fuck the man. The absolute best thing to do to get ride of all that exam stress is to have fun, so studying is not an excuse not to attend.
Th 17th. Mark the date. More information to come.
Private to Amber
Yes, you are going. |
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| 02 |
[Jul. 5th, 2011|11:18 am] |
 Ward Brennan
Are you fucking kidd I can't remember the last time I did this poorl I work so fucking har You win some, you lose some, better luck next time, whatever. I deserved a higher mark, but I really don't give a fuck.
• Written on MagiNetwork on 9/11/22 • |
 View all comments. |
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[Jun. 29th, 2011|11:46 pm] |
Ward Brennan
Flint and I like to spend our free time practicing for our inevitable careers in male modeling
• Written on MagiNetwork, 7:12 PM on 09/07/22 • |
| View all comments. |
Ward Brennan
• Written on MagiNetwork, 7:14 PM on 09/07/22 • | | View all comments. |
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[Jun. 14th, 2011|12:06 am] |
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[Jun. 12th, 2011|01:12 pm] |
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He had a hot date with a fast car. He had a bloody nose, he was ( radical ) |
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